I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
