she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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