I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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