Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
