actually, I'm a sock model
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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