I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
