OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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