You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
