life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
