like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize