Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
