I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
