Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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