yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
