I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
