Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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