And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
