Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
