So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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