you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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