I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize