she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
