I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
