i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
