im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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