You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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