you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
