i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
