I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
