Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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