Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
