I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
