He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
