You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
