No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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