There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You can't motorboat a personality
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
