if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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