She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
