To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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