I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
