U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want her autograph on my taint
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pants are for mortals
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
