I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
