Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
