What a fucking waste of an outfit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
