so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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