Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vagina just clenched in fear
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