Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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