Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
