Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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