We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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