Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
