this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
