So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
