Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
