omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
