why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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