I want to have your abortion
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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