evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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