no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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