SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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