I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize