How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
