Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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