I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
