I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
