feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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