Someone shit on the floor
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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