security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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