Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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