Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
