i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
