Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
