So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
