A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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